20 lessons it's taken me this long to understand

Just a short reflection at the end of 2010 of lessons I've learned so far in my "young" life.

20) Being a double major in two of my favorite areas of study would be sooo freaking complicated.

19) Life changes entirely too fast the older I get. I absolutely cannot believe how different my life is from two, or even one, year(s) ago!

18) Taking chances and sacrificing are 100% worth everything when all is said and done.

17) Some people really are "seasonal". Other people can also be a "semi-seasonal" person.

16) Relationships take on a pace of their own. Most of the time, it's far better to let relationships run their course than to force something, whether it's for the good or bad.

15) It just feels better to give than to recieve. Charities are a great resource to those who need them. Never feel obligated to give to an organization just because others do. It's more important to give to an organization, or multiple organizations, that you are truly passionate about.

14) Not everyone does something for instant gratification or to get something in return. A lot of times, people do things because they actually care.

13) I never thought I would miss competing in pageants so much! I don't think I miss anything as much as I miss loading up a bajillion outfits, suitcases of makeup, hair stuff, butt glue, double sided tape, about 6 pairs of shoes,etc into my car to compete for titles such as "Miss Route 66". Although I never won a crown, I came close enough to winning to pay for a significant amount of my higher education along with countless other benefits. I.WISH.I.COULD.GO.BACK!

12) Sometimes all it takes is being in the right place, at the right time, with the right person(or people) for your life to change forever.

11) I never realized it would take me this long to reach my full academic potential.

10) Sometimes, you just can't win. And that's okay.

9) I never imagined that I would actually have a pet rat. Even though she's ruined quite a bit of my things, I still like her.

8) There will be times when the things I do just arent enough for some people. Those people are not worth being done for, either.

7) I never realized just how many times people would expect for me to be their puppet. I can't read minds, so there will be times when I don't know what people want from me.

6) I never thought this would be an uphill battle.

5) I never realized that there are people in my life, past and present, who would use me for their benefit.

4) It's okay to let friends go, who seem to be able to invite everyone else to their son's first birthday party in advance, yet they call you and mention that they "forgot" to invite you to the party. It starts in two hours. Yeah, those people aren't really "friends"...

3) Always be around to listen to friends and family. Listen to those people who also just need someone to talk to.

2) Be pleasant to the people in my life. I never know when I will need them and they won't be there.

1) No matter what, appreciate the things I have in my life. Take full advantage of the opportunities that I have.

Loving Every Minute Of It

Delicious tray of deviled eggs and such on Thanksgiving

Hayden figured out the remote :)

Mi amor

The family

That's Thanksgiving RIght There For Ya!

Thanksgiving just passed and I hope everyone had as amazing of a Holiday as I did. My family is pretty awesome and I just absolutely adore my mother for always putting up with my attitude and sarcasm. Since I'm from Oklahoma, I always go back for the Holidays. I hate the drive, paying for all of that gas, and paying for the expensive toll booths, but sincerely the memories that I make are pretty sacred. This Thanksgiving I brought Eric to Oklahoma with me on his first trip ever to the Sooner State. Thankfully he wasn't scared off by my family or by all of the Black Friday shopping that I particpated in. Seriously, the man deserves a "Patience of the Year" award for not complaining ONE SINGLE TIME from 7am until 1pm.Thanksgiving Day was awesome with all of the food! I'm talking Deviled Eggs, Dressing, ROLLS, and so many yummy cakes and desserts. (and wine :)) On Thanksgiving night I was able to take Eric with me to see some dear friends of mine before preparing for our Black Friday.
We didn't get up too early for shopping...if you call 6:00am sleeping in! I did score a pretty sweet makeup case full of eyeshadows, lipsticks, brushes, powders and blushes for $13!!!! Other than that, I didn't shop much for anyone else on my list because A) I'm a poor college student and B) I already know what I'm getting everyone. I enjoyed a good 4 hour nap after that morning! Other than the shopping and family, I took advantage of my mom's amazing movie collection and the joys of cable! On my last day there, we helped mom put up her Christmas tree...silver and red just how she wanted.
The drive back to Kansas was going pretty smoothly, until I noticed that my pet rat Templeton had pulled my Columbia jacket into her cage through the wires(still not sure how she managed that!!!) and chewed a sizeable hole right through the sleeve. I seriously don't think I will ever ever ever have another rat again! Those things are destructive!
I will get pics up later! XOXO

The Pumpkin Patch

Wow! I cannot believe that it is Fall of 2010 already! I'm starting to wonder where the time went. If someone would have told me one year ago that my life would be the way it is right now I would have had a hard time believing them. Thankfully, everything always falls exactly the way that it is suppose to.

The Fall is my favorite season, followed closely by the Spring since I am a Spring baby and all :) I think it's the fact that I like moderate temperatures better than extreme heat or cold! I love the Fall because of the colors that it brings. Driving down the road it is hard to not notice the Fall foilage...yellows, reds, greens and oranges on the trees. I find it just breathtaking. Something about the air turning cooler also seems to make me want some good southern country food! I find myself craving Spicy Chili--Vegetarian of course!, cornbread, hot chocolate, soups, Kettle Corn, Apple Pies...I could go one but I don't want to encourage myself. To keep it simple I love the kitchen during the Fall and Winter!

This past weekend was my Fall break from classes.I enjoyed the break A LOT, but it also threw me completely off schedule since they scheduled the break on Monday and Tuesday instead of Thurs/Fri. Anyhow, I made the most of the break and neglected all of my school work. Saturday, Eric and I went to Gary's Pumpkin Patch...in between Topeka and Lawrence. Since it was a few miles out of town the conversation flowed on the way there and back, accompanied by a gorgeous sunset on the way home. It's so nice to be able to carry on a conversation about life and the future with someone; just one more thing I try not to take for granted because that hasn't always been an easy find in my life. Neither of us had ever been to a Pumpkin Patch before so we were unsure of what to expect. We decided on the corn maize first and Eric said he wanted to purposely get lost. Well...that turned out to be more unintentional. The maze was crazy confusing! We were literally in there getting lost for an hour. I wore sandals, not the best choice as I tripped over everything. But it was still a lot of fun. We finally got out with a small group of other people after asking some of the maze workers for help. Since it was still pretty hot out for an October afternoon we headed to the snack stand for drinks and of course a snack! KETTLE CORN!!! Let me tell you that the $5 bag of popcorn was easily devoured by midnight that night! It was soooo delicious! We also got to watch a few pig races...and let me tell you those piggies were seriously precious! (remember: Pigs are friends, not food!) We also enjoyed a hayride that took us around the whole farm! On the way out we stopped by the pumpkins. Oh my gosh these were some of the craziest looking pumpkins we had ever seen. Some were huge, some were small. Some had bumps all over them or other kinds of deformities. We were able to feed goats some grass and of course some of our Kettle Corn. I think everyone should make time to enjoy the Fall weather and food...get out and enjoy a pumpkin patch. Life is too short to miss all of those special moments :) 

 




 





The baby Pigs waiting to race!

Eric feeding the Goats

I'm Gonna Take It To My Blog...

...while listening to Sufjan Stevens. At least. That is the ONE plus of being awake at 5:41 on a Saturday morning because one can't sleep and is too stressed out to even try to go to sleep. Ugh, what exactly is this thing "stress"? Well for me, it takes the form of many different levels and in many different scenarios. When I'm driving. When I am walking from/to somewhere. When someone might say just one little thing that I don't agree with, etc...Tonight, or rather, this morning, I am just having one of my usual "I will wake up at {insert time here} and act restless, can't sleep, toss and turn, move to my sofa, watch some tv, oh...maybe facebook will cure this...nevermind, browse some more random things on the web hoping to find a cure for my sudden self-induced insomnia. Nothing ever helps. Eventually I just force my body to go back to sleep and I might get in another good hour of sleep before it's a repeat. This is a living hell...I just happen to be living it. Maybe I can check TMZ and see if they've updated their story on "Lindsey Lohan getting released on probation"...I bet she had a sleepless night as well at least. At least I have Sufjan to listen to, he always always always takes me back to a place where I seemed to be a little less concerned about the ways of the world and happiness wasn't so hard to find...I think.
Now that I'm well awake and it's the afternoon, I know how to react to the thoughts that have kept me from sleeping well. I need to learn to better stand up for myself and represent "me" the way that I need to. With age, I learn better and better that life isn't fair and it never will be. But 10% of life is what is handed to me, 90% of life is what I do with it. I don't always get what I want or what I believe to be fair but I know me. I know that I have overcome obstacles, heartache, climbed walls, and walked miles in shoes that I never thought I would be wearing. Yet, I am still better off than I was one year ago, two years ago, 3 years, 4 years, etc. The courses of life that I have been on have made me a more resiliant human being. I am better able to handle rejection, heartache, failure, happiness, blessings, and movement. I am also better at being able to know when to hold on and when to let go. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. Thankfully, and at the same time unfortunately I have been through some of the hardest things that I never thought would surface in my life. For this, I am beyond grateful, thankful, and blessed that I have the amazing support system that I do. Friends who always know the right the to say to me, a family who believes in me...always has and always will; and this core group of souls in my life love and respect me. They always want what is the best for me, they ALWAYS want my health and happiness to prevail over anything else. Some things in life may hurt at times, but remembering who I am, where I come from, how tall I actually can stand without being knocked over and everything else...I know I am meant to make it.
Thank you for everyone who has always believed in me and stood by me. I love you all so much more than I can ever put into words.

Rolling With The Punches

Sometimes we just have to be proud of ourselves. Regardless of what anyone else in this world thinks of us, we just need to be proud. We need to be proud that we took a road that no one else in your life had traveled. Even if that road led to, or leads to, failure it was a chance worth taking. People may walk the same road, but each one of us wear different shoes while walking down that road. Our life experiences mean different things to each of us. Sometimes we have to be proud of ourselves for loving someone even if we know that love will never be returned to us.
I guess, more importantly, I need to be proud of myself for taking chances that I never imagined taking. I need to be proud of me for not letting past experiences shape the way I view life, my future, and the way that I treat the people currently in my life.
Earlier this week I went running around Lake Shawnee. Max was with me so we took a walk through their gorgeous flower garden. The weather and scenery made the run perfect. The next day I went back for a run when I realized that I had my camera in the car. After running I grabbed my camera and walked around taking pictures. Sometimes I wish that what you see with your eyes could make it's own picture...but I guess a camera works pretty well too!

Classes are going great too. Believe it or not I'm not near as busy as I figured I would be. Maybe this will all change once I start doing my school observations...but for now it's smooth sailing with a lot of time to kill.
As always...GOOD LUCK TO MY SOONERS THIS WEEKEND.

Nobody Wants To Be Left Alone

This week was my first week of classes. It was nice to see some familiar faces again as well as meeting new people who share the same passions of History and Teachong as I do. I am in 18 hours this semester which consists of all Education and History courses, with one political science course called "Presidency". I absolutely love this presidency class; it is so interesting to see how politics have changed, more or less, over the founding of America to present-day.
I have also begun my senior thesis research on the murder of Emmett Till. Freshman history is where I read the story of this young soul, whose life was taken far too early, and to be considered a martyr in the modern-day Civil Rights Movement. Now I get to dedicate a whole year of research where I will read more in-depth and try to find holes in this story. I'm not sure what exactly I want my finished product to look like, but it would be nice to focus on how his life affected the movement. However, this is extremely draining (emotionally) research. Two of his cousins, one in the house, the other sleeping next to Emmett the night he was kidnapped, are still alive. Of course this clicks a light bulb on in my head!!! Why not try to contact either of them for an interview? So, as of right now I am trying to secure an interview with one of his cousins. I am so excited and honestly want this to be one of the major capstone's of my whole career as a Historian. Needless to say, after a few days of reading excerpts from books, magaizine articles, FBI files, you name it...I was kept up for a very wreckless night of sleeping last night. It's easy to forget that Emmett wasn't the only lynched African American, however when reading these articles, it is almost impossible to not try to imagine what a young southern boy from Chicago was thinking and feeling when he knew that his life was about to end, in the racial violence of Mississippi.

Moving away from my research and school....and on to plain old life. I really feel as if this next year cannot get here fast enough. I know that everything will work out, or at least hope so, the way that it's all planned. I know in the back of my mind that up to this point I'm right on course with what I had hoped for these last 2 years. Indulging myself into schoolwork is not something that I mind, but I also miss my dear friends in Lawrence and Oklahoma, along with my family. It's been about 6 months since I was last in Ok., and this makes me sooooo sad! I'm hopefully going to be able to make a trip down in a couple of weeks or so, because honestly, I really am not the biggest fan of living in Topeka. I feel so far away from everyone :(

I hope that everyone is enjoying the weather especially as it cools from those 100 degree temps to Fall weather! Fall is my favorite season, so I know that I am!

Wow, what a day. What a weekend...WHAT A SUMMER

So in true fashion of a Sooner/Jayhawk hybrid named ME I closed off my summer committing a major shopping spree in KC. After a long hold up I finally made it out to what I consider my 2nd home in Kansas, Overland Park. (My first Kansas home is Lawrence of course...and well, Topeka just does NOT count!) My first stop was one of my favorite stores in the universe, ULTA. For anyone who has never heard of ULTA nor been there, it is amazing. The store has perfumes for women and cologne for men, a salon, finer hair care, nail polishes, makeups, etc. However it also sells their own brand of ULTA makeup, along with drug store brands such as Revlon and Covergirl, etc. ULTA carries almost any haircare brand, styling tools, brushes, mirrors...basically ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for a feminine female such as myself!!! I have loved this store since I first drove past it in 2003 in Oklahoma and screamed my little heart out when I discovered one in Kansas City. Being in there makes me very homesick and miss all of my shopping trips I make with my mother to ULTA!
After ULTA I went to Oak Park Mall. As sad as it is, I made it in and out of Coach without buying anything although I really wanted a new scarf :( I met up with a good friend; we had lunch and she took me to a sweet spot in Nordstrom's that I had never been before! I scored a sweet tank top on sale. Forever 21 and Mrs. Fields were also destinations. Unfortunately my cell phone died early in the trip so I feel technology-less. After the hour and a half drive back home, I realized that I had no food in the fridge. Max and I are about to indulge in an amazing pizza...delivered of course.
It's been an amazing, and sometimes stressful summer. I am so glad I was able to cut the strings in my life that were keeping me from moving forward. After those strings were removed, I was able to find complete happiness.I hope that this school year is everything it I've dreamed it to be. I have had an entire summer to enjoy my time and strengthen bonds...For all of you reading this who are about to begin yet another semester of college...Good Luck, Focus, Study Hard :)

I'm Moving...To Kansas!

Those are the words that left my mouth in late fall/early winter of 2004. I followed my heart to Kansas, believing I had found my "Happily Ever After". I moved to Lawrence in January 2005, 2 days after adopting Max. Here I was, 300 + miles away from all of my friends, my family, everything and anything I had ever known. I followed empty promises. Looking back at that, I was so young and had no idea what I truly wanted out of life. I came to Kansas unaware of the turns that my new adventure would take me through and I was also unaware of all of the amazing, and to be honest not-so-amazing, people that would come into my life. All of these new people, some of whom would play huge roles in my life throughout this whole journey and others who were just passing through, as we each went about our lives. I can't imagine being that same girl who blindly moved in 2005, however I also know that she is with me every day waiting to blindly move on to the next journey with me...and reminding me not to make the same mistakes twice. There is also no way in the world that I can imagine the last five years of my life any differently than it has been.
On August 14th, 2005 I made the journey from Oklahoma back to Kansas. This time the trip was a little different. I wasn't following anyone else's promises this time. I was following the promise I made to myself. On the whole 5 hour ride I was scared to pieces. I didn't know if I was making the right decision by going back, but I promised myself that I would take advantage of this opportunity. That first week in Lawrence I had never been completely alone. This time I was. I didn't know what to do with my time, where to go, where to begin, or how to even make friends. My friends in Oklahoma always came so naturally to me. Five years ago today, I was scared of the road ahead of me. Today, I'm optimistic and anxious about the road I'm on and the road I will be on next year.
I've discovered that the happiness and bliss that has come to me within the past year wasn't because of what anyone else said to me or did. It wasn't because I had a boyfriend, it wasn't because I got a new pair of jeans or amazing shoes. I found this happiness because I built this road for myself. I promised myself to make the trip worth it. I began to focus on 'me' and what I could do to make myself happy. My number one goal was to set a date for graduation and stick to it. That's what I did. My next step was ensuring that even though I went to class, that wasn't enough. I wanted to excell in the courses I took. Then I realized that I needed to clean out my life. I de-cluttered the toxic energy that had surrounded me for 2 years. Once I de-cluttered, I found myself. I was happy again. I had the energy to accomplish what I needed to. They say that sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same; I believe in this. Once I began to listen to the people that loved me and respecting that these people were all in my life for a reason, I realized how blessed I am(from someone somewhere) to have come to Kansas and met these people.
Don't make excuses for yourself or anyone else in your life. Either you want to accomplish it or you don't. If you don't want to commit, you'll find an excuse to not follow through. If something has been holding you back, let it go. I believe that anyone can fulfill their dreams...Although there are things I would have done differently, I would not change a single minute of my life or my amazing friends who inspire me or the family support I've been given.

That Annoying Student

With the impending first day of classes, I started wondering exactly who would be that "annoying" student in my classes and how many classes would have that "annoying student". Then I started thinking of the one annoying student last semester. His name will be *Donnie* for this blog. I began noticing him in my World History class when he would sit there as if he knew everything the professor said and then speak out about the dumbest stuff. Finally, it came to the day where I overheard him ask a girl in the class where she was from. She replied Honduras...do you know what he said?!? He said oh so you like spicy food.
Really? Where does one make that generalization? Theeeeen, he was in another course of mine. One day I overheard him ask a woman in the class if she was "nesting or something"! I walked away feeling nothing but embarrasment for the guy. Eventually he was reported. As annoying as he was, it made the class somewhat interesting. The whole time I would sit there thinking..."I wonder when he's going to say something". There was another annoying student in another History course I had last semester. She talked nonstop and sat right behind me. Finally, one day I sat there rolling my eyes until the professor kindly asked her to stop talking. So, I"m hoping out of the 6 classes I'm taking this semester, I will have a couple of annoying students in them that ask dumb questions, ultimately making me feel smarter! hahaha

I'm trying to enjoy my last week of summer. Over the weekend I went with Eric to Lake Shawnee and we rented a paddle boat. It was so relaxing to be out in the middle of the lake with him. This week is probably going to fly by simply because it is the last week of summer. Hopefully I will get my car "Rosa" back on Tuesday. She has been in the shop for about two weeks due to the negligence of an elderly man not looking behind him while backing out. Thankfully, I wasn't at fault.
-Be blessed and be a blessing-

Sitting in the paddle boat

Why I Think Walmart Is Dirty...And Other Life Statements.

So, this totally makes sense and the world needs to know and be aware. I live by a "Super Walmart". And as convenient as the 1 minute drive or the 7 minute walk is, the second I set foot in that store for the "super savings" I feel the need to sanitize my entire body, every single inch of it. I know that most grocery stores have everyday people roaming their aisles, but for some reason walmart seems to attract the people who haven't bathed/groomed/learned sanitation common courtesies/etc the most. I entered walmart for groceries. "Why?" I ask myself...because it is cheap and literally right next door. I seem to make the trip relatively smooth, all of my normal items are still in the same spot so there's really no hunting around. The problem comes in the checkout lane. I pick a checkout that seems as if the wait won't be too long. As fate would have it however, the line still went slow. As I'm waiting patiently for the customers in front of me to finish up, I observe the checkout lady DIGGING IN HER EAR AND LOOKING AT THE DEBRIS ON HER FINGER AFTERWARD, BEFORE WIPING OFF SAID DEBRIS. I'm thinking how disgusting that is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, really does walmart NOT train their employees to not tend to their bodily malfunctions at the register? SERIOUSLY?!? The next thought that plagues my mind is that hopefully she will use her non-earpicking hand to scan my groceries. Naw, that thought only lasted a split second before I saw the cashier use her other hand to scratch her scalp!!! Whatever, I tell myself to remember to wash my hands even after touching all the things I bought while using them at home. Because that is just unsanitary. To make the situation worse, after the people in front of me left, I stood in their same spot to pay for my items. However after standing in that spot for a nano second my nose is engulfed in the stench of bodies that have been unbathed for a loooooooooonnnnngggg time. Any other store I go to I NEVER encounter this. Why is this walmart so dang convenient????
Getting off the ranting now. I hope everyone had a safe weekend:)

Can't Let The TIme Slip Away!

So, I know how ridiculous it is that it has been so long since I last blogged. I'm trying to clean up old posts and keep this current with my ever-evolving life :) I feel like I've just about gotten everything to the point that it needs to be! Yay! Randomly, I decided to focus on my blog. Mainly because I simply am becoming annoyed witih Facebook and the bajillion comments people leave all the time. It's so nice to keep up with people, but it's also getting to the point where I don't need to know someone's daily activities every 2 hours. Get a Twitter if making sure everyone knows what you eat, when you eat, who is eating with you, what chair you sit in to eat, etc. is that important.

Anyways, as most of you know Max was diagnosed with a Grade 4 heart murmur in April and has been on heart medicine since then and he will be for the rest of his life. Most of his days are excellent, but some days I can tell that he really isn't feeling like the 5 year old dog that he should be...and that breaks my heart. But I keep him comfortable and I try not to take him for granted. When I moved to Kansas, I knew no one. Max was my best friend. We did everything together. He's such a happy boy and plays a huge role in my life. I'm so thankful that he is still at least semi-healthy and very happy(most of the time :)).

School is going great! I'm starting my official senior year in about 3 weeks! I cannot believe it's finally here but I feel like everything has fallen into place due to my hard work and extreme dedication to earning good grades. I'm still "iffy" about what life holds for me after graduation next year, but I also know that as long as I stay true to myself and use the support that is given to me every minute of every day by my loving family and friends, that I will end up right where I am suppose to be. I hope everyone is staying blessed. XOXOXOXO