I'm Gonna Take It To My Blog...

...while listening to Sufjan Stevens. At least. That is the ONE plus of being awake at 5:41 on a Saturday morning because one can't sleep and is too stressed out to even try to go to sleep. Ugh, what exactly is this thing "stress"? Well for me, it takes the form of many different levels and in many different scenarios. When I'm driving. When I am walking from/to somewhere. When someone might say just one little thing that I don't agree with, etc...Tonight, or rather, this morning, I am just having one of my usual "I will wake up at {insert time here} and act restless, can't sleep, toss and turn, move to my sofa, watch some tv, oh...maybe facebook will cure this...nevermind, browse some more random things on the web hoping to find a cure for my sudden self-induced insomnia. Nothing ever helps. Eventually I just force my body to go back to sleep and I might get in another good hour of sleep before it's a repeat. This is a living hell...I just happen to be living it. Maybe I can check TMZ and see if they've updated their story on "Lindsey Lohan getting released on probation"...I bet she had a sleepless night as well at least. At least I have Sufjan to listen to, he always always always takes me back to a place where I seemed to be a little less concerned about the ways of the world and happiness wasn't so hard to find...I think.
Now that I'm well awake and it's the afternoon, I know how to react to the thoughts that have kept me from sleeping well. I need to learn to better stand up for myself and represent "me" the way that I need to. With age, I learn better and better that life isn't fair and it never will be. But 10% of life is what is handed to me, 90% of life is what I do with it. I don't always get what I want or what I believe to be fair but I know me. I know that I have overcome obstacles, heartache, climbed walls, and walked miles in shoes that I never thought I would be wearing. Yet, I am still better off than I was one year ago, two years ago, 3 years, 4 years, etc. The courses of life that I have been on have made me a more resiliant human being. I am better able to handle rejection, heartache, failure, happiness, blessings, and movement. I am also better at being able to know when to hold on and when to let go. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. Thankfully, and at the same time unfortunately I have been through some of the hardest things that I never thought would surface in my life. For this, I am beyond grateful, thankful, and blessed that I have the amazing support system that I do. Friends who always know the right the to say to me, a family who believes in me...always has and always will; and this core group of souls in my life love and respect me. They always want what is the best for me, they ALWAYS want my health and happiness to prevail over anything else. Some things in life may hurt at times, but remembering who I am, where I come from, how tall I actually can stand without being knocked over and everything else...I know I am meant to make it.
Thank you for everyone who has always believed in me and stood by me. I love you all so much more than I can ever put into words.

Rolling With The Punches

Sometimes we just have to be proud of ourselves. Regardless of what anyone else in this world thinks of us, we just need to be proud. We need to be proud that we took a road that no one else in your life had traveled. Even if that road led to, or leads to, failure it was a chance worth taking. People may walk the same road, but each one of us wear different shoes while walking down that road. Our life experiences mean different things to each of us. Sometimes we have to be proud of ourselves for loving someone even if we know that love will never be returned to us.
I guess, more importantly, I need to be proud of myself for taking chances that I never imagined taking. I need to be proud of me for not letting past experiences shape the way I view life, my future, and the way that I treat the people currently in my life.
Earlier this week I went running around Lake Shawnee. Max was with me so we took a walk through their gorgeous flower garden. The weather and scenery made the run perfect. The next day I went back for a run when I realized that I had my camera in the car. After running I grabbed my camera and walked around taking pictures. Sometimes I wish that what you see with your eyes could make it's own picture...but I guess a camera works pretty well too!

Classes are going great too. Believe it or not I'm not near as busy as I figured I would be. Maybe this will all change once I start doing my school observations...but for now it's smooth sailing with a lot of time to kill.
As always...GOOD LUCK TO MY SOONERS THIS WEEKEND.